10. First Love by Ivan Turgenev. This 1860-published story recounts a unique character’s take on his love life, which is so vivid and original it must be a retelling of the author’s own experiences. You don’t have to read it, just find a banged-up old copy and leave it out for everyone to see how classical and sensitive you are.
9. The Five Love Languages. If you have this one out, you will immediately appear in touch with your emotional and spiritual side.
8. Guitar tabs. You don’t even have to know guitar. Bonus points if you have a guitar somewhere else in the room, but you might have to play it. If this happens, just casually strum something, make up a lyric or two, and cry. See Maggie Gyllenhaal’s reaction to Will Ferrell’s short guitar scene in “Stranger Than Fiction” for inspiration.
7. A photo album of yourself on various vacations. Make sure to include at least one shot of yourself, on a mountain, alone, looking pensively into the distance. Have a story ready for what you discovered about life, the universe, and everything, on each of your trips. Also, make sure to have lots of pictures of yourself surrounded by gorgeous women at parties.
6. Yoga Anatomy. Every girl of every age adores yoga. This will show that you’re in touch with your body. Don’t actually try it though, you’ll hurt yourself.
5. Kama Pootra. Notice I didn’t say “Kama Sutra.” That would be stupid and creepy. The Kama Pootra describes “52 Mind-Blowing Ways to Poop,” and has hilarious illustrations throughout. A great way to show off your sense of humor and break down social barriers.
4. The Essential Guide to Writing a Novel. Warning: there is nothing subtle about leaving this casually out on display, you will have an expectations-ridden conversation within moments. You need to have a story ready to blow everyone out of the water – make up something about a mystery thriller or unrequited love.
3. Lonely Planet: Rio De Janeiro (City Guide). Who doesn’t want to visit Rio? Having elaborate travel plans makes you look worldly, not to mention rich.
2. The Little Black Book of Cocktails. Everyone admires someone who knows how to make a good drink (or, better, knows how to instruct a bartender to do it, a la James Bond). Having a book on the subject automatically makes you an authority.
1. The Four Hour Body. This 550-page behemoth contains topics ranging from dieting to muscle gain to holding your breath underwater to, uh, reproduction. Just reading the back cover is guaranteed to start some great conversations. Extra points for pre-populating the pages with bookmarks.