Conan O'Brien: My next guest tonight is a blogger, activist, author, fashion icon and self-described celeBROtante, whatever that means. Please give it up for Gavin Koehler!
Audience: [raucous applause]
Gavin: [walks out from behind curtain wearing Jay Leno mask, bobbing head uncontrollably. The audience loves this.]
Conan: [claps slowly, shaking his head and frowning]
Gavin: [approaches audience front row, they all crowd around him and he shakes each and every one of their hands. The audience is really eating this up]
Gavin: [returns to seat, waving his arms and bobbing his head, doing a wing flap with his elbows, waddling left and right across the stage a couple of times before finally sitting down]
Conan: You are an ass.
Gavin: [doing full Jay Leno impression] Heya folks, howya doin'?
Audience: [roars with laughter]
Gavin: [still in Jay Leno impression mode] Hey, Lorena Bobbit's in the news. Have you seen this? Have you heard about this? [bobs head left and right]
Conan: OK, that's actually pretty good.
[beat]
Conan: That's it? All you've got is the setup? You're the worst comic ever.
Audience: [laughs]
Conan: Like I said, that's a pretty good impression.
Audience: [laughs louder]
Conan: [raises arms] Pretty good impression, could be of anyone, really. Doesn't remind me of anyone in particular. [starts Jay Leno impression] I'm innocent! [bobs head]
Gavin: [takes off mask] Ahh.
Conan: Is that better? Get a little stuffy in there?
Gavin: It's actually a really big mask. Plenty of room for my chin to move around.
Conan: Haha. Right. So what's the deal? CeleBROtante? Are we just allowed to make up ridiculous titles for ourselves now? Are you like The Situation?
Gavin: That's really all a person like myself can hope for in life, to one day be compared to The Situation.
Conan: Oh really? It's like-
Gavin: -on Conan O'Brien! Hit it, Max! [points over at the Max Weinberg-less band]
Band: [awkwardly looks around, not sure if Gavin is joking or not]
James Wormsworth: [plays rimshot and grins ear to ear]
Gavin: That's what I'm talking about! Boy, that Max guy, never get rid of him, Conan. Class act! I love you Max!!
James Wormsworth: [grins a super huge grin and nods his head]
[beat]
Conan: [shakes his head] This show is broken. It will never air. This is all going to be reruns of Alias.
Gavin: That was actually a really good show! I would watch that instead of this.
Conan: I would too. So [looks at card] it's all over the news that you and Jenna Fischer are an item. Anything you'd like to say now that you have a captive audience?
Gavin: No. [stares at Conan]
[beat]
Audience: [uneasy laughter]
Conan: [stares back at Gavin, no expression on his face]
Gavin: [also no expression. Camera zooms in.]
Conan: [Camera zooms in deep to Conan's face]
Audience: [big laugh for this one]
Gavin: [cracks]
Conan: Aha! I got you!
Gavin: This show is broken.
Conan: I know, I know. Ok, what's next here. [scans card]
Gavin: [takes card away, throws it backstage, stands up and starts dancing. Points at the band.] Gimme a beat, Max!
Band: [funky drum beat and bass, trumpets join in after two measures]
Conan: [stands up and starts dancing as well]
Gavin: [takes off jacket and throws it behind the couch, continuing to dance]
Conan: [takes off jacket in one quick movement. Very svelte, audience loves this.]
Jeff Ross, from the producer's booth: [buries his head in his hands]
Mike Sweeney, sitting next to Jeff: [giggles maniacally]
[Camera pulls back as Gavin goes into the audience, dancing up on audience members. Mark Pender trades for a soprano saxophone and starts on an improvised solo, red in the face.]